Happiness Will Never Come
by Gothic Rose981
Summary: Riku is depressed, suicidal, and maddly in love with Sora... YAOI possible suicide rape selfabuse
1. Depressions in the Life of a Fag

**Happiness Will Never Come**

(The story of Riku's life)

Hi! I'm Riku, how are you?

I can tell you now that I'm far from good, or fine… or even okay. I hate my life; I hate every single part of it, except for one thing… Sora.

I'm a cutter. I get beaten and raped on a daily bases, and if you think that's all, then you're sadly, sadly mistaken. I cry myself to sleep five out of seven days of a week, and etcetera. But to everyone else I'm the normal strong old Riku… If only they knew…

_July 13_

"Riku!" He turned to look at one of his only two friends. "Riku, wait!"

Riku put on a fake smile. There in front of him stood Kairi, his red headed female friend. Don't get him wrong… he loved Kairi, he loved her to death but she's just too happy-go-lucky.

"Yea?" He asked politely.

"You promised you'd walk me home…" She said, grinning brightly.

They were onthier way home from school. It was a hot day on Destiny Islands and Riku was in a hurry to get home and out of the heat. But seeing as he now had Kairi to walk home with, he'd have to spend double the time outside.

Oh, why couldn't he have thrown up everything in his stomach in front of the entire class? Riku wouldn't have to be here… Walking in the heat… With a bubble headed girl. Oh, how he despised his life. Why couldn't he just make a run for it? Do ya really want to know? Because, she'd turn from a bubble headed girl to a poor-pitiful-me-I-need-all-the-attention-in-the-world girl. She'd probably never speak to him again either if Riku did that. So, he was stuck with her.

"Hey, Riku?"

"Yea?"

"What did you do to your arm?" She pointed to a dark black bruise that gripped his wrist.

"N-Nothing…" He lied. The bruise was left over from last nights beatings. It was only one of the many Riku had. Most weren't visible without him taking his clothes off. They were almost all in between his legs and littered all over his stomach and chest.

"Nothing? So you mean the air did that… Wow!" She said, smirking.

"I twisted it, okay?" This is the part where she really starts getting on my nerves.

"How'd you do that?"

"It's none of your business how I did it…" Riku said, knowing what was going to come next.

She took his hurt arm and waved it around in the air, making his wrist flop back and forth. "C'mon! Tell me… that looks like it hurts."

"OW!" It does hurt damn it!" He jerked his hand away and scowled at her. She coward away as Riku looked at her as if he was going to rip her limb from limb… Which was slightly appealing to him at the time?

"What the hell did you do that for?" Riku nearly yelled, but settled for a loud muse instead.

"…" She looked like she was going to cry.

Suddenly Sora appeared right next to him and he nearly jumped out of his skin when he blurted, "Hey guys! What's up?" Riku hadn't heard him approach and he was focused on Kairi so it nearly gave him a heart attack.

"Hey Sora…" Both Kairi and Riku said at the same time.

"My god Riku… What did you do to your wrist?" He asked, staring at it. Kairi was staring at Sora shaking her head back and forth, signaling Sora not to push it.

"Nothing…" Riku said calmly. "I just twisted it…"

"Looks more like you broke it… You should see a doctor."

Riku stared at the ground. Oh, how much he really did want to see a doctor. His wrist felt like someone was burning it off, especially after what Kairi just did. And the bad part about it was… that was one of his _minor_ bruises. If he had to strip in front of someone, it'd look like he was some sort of chameleon with all the different colors on his body.

"Naw, I'll be fine…" He said taking in the worried expression they both gave. He felt bad for making them sad like that, but what could Riku do?

Riku pulled Sora away for a second and told Kairi to stay there. He walked slightly ahead before stopping. "Sora, could you take Kairi home? I don't feel good…" He said, making his voice sound cracked and hoarse. Sora nodded and Riku hugged him lightly before turning to go a different way.

"Hey Riku?" He yelled before Riku was out of range and he turned back.

"What?"

"Do you wanna come over my house tonight? You can spend the night." He asked smiling. Riku knew he could tell he wasn't sick, and just wanted to get home.

"Sure…" He said, waving and taking off in the other direction.

They waved back and Riku smiled sadly. Once he got home he started to pack his bag. Riku grabbed his clothes, his brush, toothbrush, blanket, pillows, and last but not least his journal.

Riku was fixing to leave when he heard Leon, his adoptive father, walk into the kitchen below. Leon was no doubt coming for another session of rape with him and he felt his eyes starting to water, or cry but he doesn't like the sound of that. It makes him feel weak.

He dropped his bag, it making a thump on the floor as he heard him stamping up the stairs.

"Riku! My personal slut… Where are you? Come here my little boy toy." Leon yelled. Riku could tell he was drunk by his slurred speech. He hated it more when he was drunk because he had no self control and would pass out on top of him afterwards.

Riku stood frozen in his steps as he came up to his bedroom. Riku's face was already turning red from watering and he stood horrified as Leon busted into the room.

"Well, I see you're going to Sora's so I'll make this quick." He said, grabbing Riku by the collar of the shirt and dragging him down stairs.

He threw Riku on the couch and began to strip all the clothes off the boy's body. He stripped himself sometime after and laid on top of Riku.

Leon shoved their lips together, forcing his tongue inside Riku's mouth. The platinum haired boy whimpered as Leon started to grind himself into him.

Even though Riku hated him, he hated what Leon did to him, his body betrayed him and he felt himself getting hard. Riku was just starting to moan, involuntarily I might add, when Leon stopped. This was the part he dreaded most… Leon positioned himself and thrust in without any lubrication or preparation. The silver haired boy let out a scream and he hit him across the jaw in punishment. He took his right hand, his hurt hand, and twisted it hard. Riku felt unimaginable pain shoot through his body as Leon squeezed and twisted it.

When it was finally over he pried himself out from under him and slunk up stairs. Riku felt horrid, he felt weak, and he felt like he was going to fall apart at any second. He had screamed so much that Leon had doubled all the bruises on his body through punishment for making any other noise except one's of pleasure.

He thought about not going to Sora's, then he thought about how much it would devastate him if he didn't. Never had he not come over for him when he wanted him to. Never. So, Riku sucked it up and got in the shower to wash off the smell and the horrid seed of that man he dared to call a father.

He hopped in the shower and washed off. Riku made sure nothing was left on his body, but he still felt impure. After he had scrubbed himself red, he got out. He opened the drawer on the counter to grab his second brush. Inside sat not only his brush, but also his pocket knife, too. He had many pocket knives and they littered the house one in almost every drawer.

He pulled both out. Riku brushed his hair first, making sure it looked as gorgeous as it always did. Then he pulled out the blade of the knife and placed it to the skin of his arm. Slowly, he slid it across, savoring the feeling of release as blood trickled off. Not only did he cut his arms but he also cut his finger tips.

After he had the satisfaction of 'releasing' himself he left for Sora's, bag in hand.

Upon arriving he stopped to look at the sunset. It was beautiful and pure, the water was the color of his eyes. He hadn't realized it but Sora was standing right behind him.

"Beautiful isn't it?" He said softly.

"Yeah…" Riku replied. Surprisingly, he didn't jump this time when Sora snuck up.

"I don't think there's anything more beautiful in the world." He said sighing.

"There is one thing more beautiful, Sora…" He said in a daze, he didn't really know what he was saying until it came out. "…you"

Sora stared at Riku in disbelief. He tensed up and stared at the ground waiting for him to do something, but that something never came so he turned around and placed a kiss on Sora's lips. Immediately, Sora shoved him off and wiped his mouth with his sleeve.

"You gay fag!" He yelled and Riku felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. "How dare you kiss me? I'm not like you, I don't love men. I'M NOT A FAG!" Sora hadn't known where all the anger bottled up had come from, but it was obvious it all wasn't meant for Riku, it just came out that way.

Liquid streamed down Riku's face as he turned and ran back to his hell hole of a home.

Riku couldn't handle it, before he got there his legs gave out and he hit the ground with a thump.

Behind him he heard Sora running after him. Once he reached Riku a gasp formed on his lips.

When Riku had fallen his shirt was hiked half way up and it was now revealing a lot of the bruises he had.

"Riku!" He heard a cry from Sora.

Riku felt hands wrap around his body and pull him up into an embrace. He was too drained of energy to move, so he lay in Sora's arms as the brunette looked down on him in disbelief.

"What happened to you?" He asked.

Riku then felt tears hit his cheek. Was Sora crying for him? It wasn't possible. He just called Riku a fag and now he's crying over him?

Riku looked away.

Sora didn't ask again instead he picked the platinum haired boy up and carried him back to his house. The brunette laid Riku down on his bed and removed his shirt to see all the horrors and the silver headed boy even had a new bruise forming on his face.

"Riku… Who did this?" He asked. "What's been happening to you?"

He felt Sora trail his hands down Riku's stomach and he sighed at the gentle touch. He'd been so used to being hit and beaten that Sora's touch seems like the touch of an angel. Course what do you expect? He was in love with him, of course it would feel like an angel's touch. But still…

"Riku… Please answer." Riku couldn't answer, he didn't know how. And, also, he didn't want to answer, because he didn't care. Nobody cared; he wished he would have left him there, left him there for the tides to carry out to sea.

He sighed and gave up after the second time of asking and getting back no answer. Sora left the room to get a tub of water, some ice, and some bandages.

He came back and took a sponge. Soaking it in water he began to lather up the skin on Riku's stomach and chest. He didn't seem to care if his bed would get wet, he just kept on scrubbing.

It felt so good to be rubbed down with that sponge. It wasn't long before Riku had fallen asleep. That was the first time all week that he hadn't cried himself to sleep.

_July 17, 3:34AM_

When Riku awoke he found himself all bandaged up. Sora was asleep with his head on Riku's hand and Kairi was… wait a minute? When did Kairi get here?

He looked at the clock, it read 3:34 AM. Riku guessed Sora had called Kairi over after he went to sleep.

Suddenly Sora stirred and jumped awake. He nearly fell out of the chair he was sitting in, and would have if Riku hadn't caught him.

"How long have I been asleep?" He asked, holding Sora as he repositioned himself on the chair.

"Three days, today would have been the fourth." Riku nearly laughed and told him he was insane but the platinum haired boy thought about it. How would he know anyways? He wasn't the one who'd been awake the entire time.

"I see you'd bandaged me up…" He said, the silver headed boy still hadn't let go of him and surprisingly Sora hasn't shoved him off and called him a fag yet…_Yet, _that's the key word. Riku pulled himself off the bed and into Sora's arms. He still hadn't pushed him off. Instead, the brunette held him close and comforted Riku. He let him nuzzle into him and hold on as tightly as he wanted.

"Please… Don't ever push me away like you did the other day. When you did I wanted to die…" His eyes widened at what Riku said. "And there's no doubt in my mind that if I hadn't have run out of strength, when I got home I would have killed myself." He could see the tears forming in Sora's eyes. Evidently he cared about Riku more then he let on.

"Riku, I…" He started but the silver headed boy cut him off.

"Sora… You're the only thing I have to live for. And when you shoved me off like I was trash, I was dead inside. I lost all hope in everything. In everyone, even you. I wanted to die so badly, after all it wouldn't matter, no one cares." Even though Riku seems tough and roughened up on the outside, when it came to matters like those he was as fragile as porcelain.

"I care…!" He blurted out and pulled him up into a kiss. Riku nearly choked when he felt Sora's lips upon his. The platinum haired boy pulled away and clamped his eyes shut.

"You don't care about me… You're just taking pity."

"No…! I do care!"

"No you don't! You said I was a fag! You said that you weren't gay! You might as well have said I was the most repulsive person on the planet!" The platinum haired boy yelled.

Kairi had now awoken and was staring at the boy's like they were crazy. She was listening closely but didn't have a clue what they were talking about.

"What is going on…!" She finally asked.

"Riku has feelings for me…" Sora said in an ashamed manner.

Kairi's eyes widened. She nearly fainted and was turning pale.

"You… You're… gay?" She asked Riku.

The silver haired boy shoved himself out of Sora's arms. "So what if I am!" He snapped. Riku ran out of the room, and down the stairs of the house that was almost exactly like his.

"No RIKU! Wait…!" Sora jumped up and ran after him, but stopped at the door and looked at Kairi. "We have to find him. He's suicidal, he'll kill himself!" He said, near tears. "And I don't want a dead friend… especially when that friend is my only comfort."

He turned and left, running after this foreign Riku the he'd never seen before. What was going on? Why was Riku so depressed? And why did he want to die so badly? "I'm so sorry Riku… Please don't kill yourself… If you do… I'll die with you!"

Riku ran down the beach and waded out into the water, planning on drowning himself.

"RIKU! NO! WAIT!" Sora yelled in the background as he ran out into the water after him.

_In Sora's Room_

Kairi didn't know what to do. She was pacing until she almost tripped on something.

On the floor, lay Riku's journal.

"What's this?" She asked herself, opening the little black book.

_January 26th_

_Leon was horrible to me today. What's gotten into him lately?_

_January 27th_

_I WAS RAPED!_

_Leon raped me. He called me nasty names and grabs my ass every time I'm within reach._

_January 28th_

_I've been throwing up all day. I can't keep anything down and I feel like I'm going to collapse._

_(Later) He raped me again… Someone help me. He's threatening to kill me if I tell._

_February 11th_

_I haven't eaten today, and I didn't eat yesterday either…I hope I starve to death._

Kairi covered her mouth and threw the horrid diary to the floor.

"Riku…" She whispered.

_The Beach_

Sora held Riku in his arms, rocking him as the Silver haired boy slept.

* * *

It's kinda bad, but it'll get better… I hope. 


	2. Little Black Book

**HikaRicHicky**: I get my inspiration everywhere. I'm just a angst loving person, and a bunch of ideas I get from other fanfics.

* * *

_**Happiness Will Never Come**_

_Ch. 2_

_(Riku's POV)_

When I awoke again, I was in Sora's arms on the beach and the sun was coming up.

I hadn't known he was awake until a hand started to stroke my hair. It was a gentle, loving hand, caressing the silver locks that have gotten nothing but abuse for the last seven months. I wished it would never stop, so I lay there and pretend I was still asleep.

"Riku, why…?" He asked, somehow knowing the boy in his lap was awake.

"Because I'm tired of being abused and raped by my father, and then, hated by my friends…" I said, looking up into cerulean colored eyes.

"I don't hate you, you just surprised me when you locked our lips together." He said, massaging Riku's scalp.

"Mmmm… Whatever…" I mumbled, closing my eyes and relaxing.

Sora stood up, bringing Riku's skinny body with him.

"C'mon… Let's go back." He said, walking with the other boy in his hands. "You need rest…" He whispered.

I didn't argue, especially when I felt my body cushioned by Sora's bed.

"Sleep now." The boy commanded.

"Sora…" Kairi whispered. "Riku's got a diary… You should red it."

She held out the small black book to Sora who took it as they left the room and sat in the living room.

Riku felt alone, but he knew they wouldn't leave him. So, after about thirty minute he fell into a lulled sleep.

Down stairs, Sora and Kairi were reading through the older teen's diary, small gasps coming from them from time to time.

"This is awful…" Kairi whispered.

"I know…" Replied Sora. "How are we gonna help him? We can't tell anyone because Leon might hurt Riku, but we also can't just leave him."

"I don't know what we're gonna do. It's just horrible."

"You guys aren't gonna do anything." I said, standing at the top of the stairs. "Because, you'll just get hurt and get me killed."

"But Riiiiiiiiikkkkuuuuuuuuuu!" Sora whined. "We're not just going to sit by while you get beaten and tortured for nothing."

"Oh, yes you are." I said, running a hand through my silver hair. I wasn't about to let my beloved Sora put himself in danger for me of all people.

"Riku… He's killing you! We can't just sit here while you're wasting away." Kairi said. "Riku, you've been starving yourself…"

"How do you know that!" I asked, alarmed. _'I haven't told anyone about this!'_

Sora tossed me my journal and I gasped, hugging it tight to my stomach.

"We couldn't help it. We knew you wrote in your diary everyday, so we needed to know what was happening to you and it was our resource."

I was furious. How dare they read something that was so close to me. There is a reason why I write it in a _book_, and not tell a _person!_

"If you want to know something about me, then ask me damn it! Some things I don't want you to know about!" I yelled.

"God Riku! I hate it when you're stubborn like this! We're just trying to help you." Sora said, his big cerulean eyes watering up.

"What if I don't _want_ to be helped?" I said.

"Riku you were begging for help on practically every page." Kairi pointed out.

"Soooo!" I whined, "That's not the point!"

"Yes it is…"

"No it's not!"

"Yup, it is…"

"Whatever!" I said, stomping back up the stairs.

"Get some sleep!"

Even though I had wanted to bash Sora's face in, I found comfort in laying back in the bed. Soon, I was back asleep and the two of them were sitting beside my half naked body. I could have sworn I felt a gentle hand glide across my skin but, maybe I was wrong.

_Later_

The doorbell rang awakening me from a dreamless sleep.

"I'll get it!" Sora said, hopping up to get it.

When Sora came to the door he encountered a very angry Leon.

"Riku's been over here for almost a week! What happened to one night?" He said in a husky voice. "Tell 'em to get his stuff packed and get his ass downstairs!"

Sora merely nodded and ran back upstairs. I was already packing when he got there and Kairi was hovering over me like a vulture.

"Sorry guys I gotta go." I said gloomily. "I probably won't see you until school starts in a week."

Both Sora and Kairi nodded as I walked out of the room. Throwing my shirt on quickly so Leon didn't suspect that my friends knew about all the bruises.

* * *

This chapter is kinda boring and not very long. I think. Anyways, R&R please! 


	3. It's semen

**Atheist: **I haven't decided yet. It all depends on how the story goes for the next two or three chapters.

* * *

_**Happiness Will Never Come**_

Ch. 3

When school started, the next week Riku wasn't there. That worried Sora and Kairi a lot so after school they went to his house.

They used the ladder that led up to Riku's window to get inside the house, when they entered the room they encountered a horrible sight.

Riku was asleep on his bed. He was completely naked and his body was battered. The room smelled heavily of sex, blood, and sweat which made both of them cover their noses.

"God… It stinks!" Kairi said, sticking her head out the window for fresh air.

"Get over it…" Sora mumbled, walking to the side of Riku's bed. He gently touched the boy's shoulder only to find Riku whimpered and tried to move away.

Kairi had ventured down to the edge of the bed and was evaluating Riku more. That's when she noticed a white substance on the bed sheets.

"What's this?" She asked, taking her finger and wiping it through the white substance and bringing her finger up to smell it.

"Is it white?" Sora asked.

"Yes."

"Is it sticky?"

"Yes."

"It's semen." He said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"EW! GET IT OFF!" She said waving her hand around. "Get it off, get it off, get it off!"

Sora shook his head and blocked Kairi out as he picked up Riku's still packed bags. He put a few more pairs of clothes and began to dress the hurt boy.

After Kairi had finally got the brains to wipe her finger off on the blankets she smiled innocently and blushed, trying to seem cute.

"Take a blanket. We're gonna lay Riku on it when we get outside and then we'll drag him to my house on that, because I can't carry him that far." Sora mumbled and picked the platinum haired boy up. "Carry the bags too."

Kairi did and left the room, Sora following afterwards. They left by leaving through the front door.

When they got outside, they laid the blanket on the ground and then placed Riku on it. Sora took one corner and Kairi took the other after placing the boy's bag on the blanket too.

Soon enough they were at Sora's and Kairi was running bath water. Sora undressed the older boy gently, and placed him in the lukewarm water. He smiled and nodded to Kairi, telling her she could leave if she wanted.

She waved and left the bathroom, heading for the door.

"Lock the door and go out the window!" Sora yelled after a second.

When he looked back, he found himself staring into the most beautiful blue-green eyes there ever were.

"Why did you come for me?" The silver haired boy asked, closing his eyes.

"Because you didn't come to school, and I knew there was something wrong." He said, rubbing the boy down with soap.

"Well…… Thanks…" He whispered.

"There's no need for thanks. I would do it over and over again if it meant you'd be safe."

Sora smiled and continued washing the obscured, milky flesh of Riku's. He gently scrubbed the scars and open wounds, some of them beginning to bleed with just a touch. When he began to wash Riku's legs, for some reason the boy tensed and became jumpy.

"It's okay…We're both boy's there's no reason to be embarrassed." Sora said as if it was really that simple.

* * *

I'm gonna end it there… I think I'm gonna rewrite the second chapter, so be on the look out for that. 


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